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It started out
so simple!
 The
story begins in Uvalde, Texas. My friend Brian had arrived from Las
Vegas for a short visit. I was looking for a 4X4 to buy and Brian was
looking to sell his 1969 FJ40. Brian and I made a deal on the FJ40. So
Brian, my friend Carlos, and I were going to trailer Brian's Isuzu
Trooper back to Vegas. Once there Carlos and I were going to trailer
the FJ40 back to Texas. Carlos had never been to Las Vegas, so he was
just coming along for the ride.
The
trip to Las Vegas was uneventful. We did stop along the way to see a
few sites. Carlos had never been to the Grand Canyon, so we took a
little side trip en route to Las Vegas. While in Vegas, Brian was the
perfect host and showed us the sites.
While
still in Vegas, Brian took Carlos and I for a ride in the Land Cruiser
to the hills around his house. It didn't take long to realize that the
Land Cruiser is a very capable 4X4. After driving to the top of a very
jagged, long, and steep hill (from which one can see all of Henderson
and Las Vegas not to mention the desert beyond) Brian decided to let
Carlos take over at the wheel and bring us down the hill. Carlos
quickly admitted that he had never been behind the wheel of any 4X4
much less one in the situation this particular 4X4 was in at the
moment. Brian and I offered some advise on how to bring a vehicle down
a steep hill. The one thing that stuck in Carlos' mind was not to use
the brakes. So trying hard not to show his fear, Carlos started down
the hill. This is when it became obvious that the one thing we failed
to make clear was letting the clutch out, thus allowing engine
compression to slow us down. So down the hill we bounced, clutch fully
depressed, brakes untouched, screaming our heads off. We survived.
After
a couple of days in Las Vegas, it was time to make the trek back to
Texas.
Get Your
Kicks...On Route 66
 After
leaving Henderson, the first thing I did was a brake check about a ½
mile from Brian's house when a lady decided to pull into my lane and
stop a block before the red light. Applying pressure firmly and
quickly, all four wheels did lock up as expected when pulling a 4000
lb. load on a 18' trailer with no brakes. Luckily the Land Cruiser
stayed put and didn't show her at that time how stupid she was for
doing that. I reserved that for my middle finger when she looked at us
for the origin of the noise.
Anyway,
the trip continued on to Kingman, AZ with only minor overheating
problems. We stopped a few times to let things cool off but nothing
serious as of yet. We were taking our time and not pushing things,
just enjoying the drive. We stopped at Nothing, AZ since the truck
overheating idiot light was on. With only 4 people in that town, ya
have to know that gene pool is too shallow. So after 1½ hours in
this fine community, we were ready to continue, stopping in Wickenburg
for a "fine home cooked meal," as advertised, not sure which
home, but I don't want to visit there again. The roof of my mouth is
just finishing healing from the bread of the sandwich cutting into it.
On to Phoenix.
Carlos! Don't
you watch "Cops"?
Phoenix
wasn't bad except the stop and go traffic was playing hell on my truck
and, soon to be announced, my transmission. About 40 miles out of
Phoenix the truck started fogging the Schneider (name of trucking
company that doesn't speed ) lane as was witnessed by me in the side
view mirror. I then took my foot off the accelerator and slowed to a
stop, noting that I was being chased by a small rolling object, soon
to be identified as an extremely HOT Governor cover for my 700R4
Transmission, also used to hold in vital transmission fluid, which was
donated to the Arizona I-10 roadway.
So
after stopping and identifying the problem, I realized that we were 16
miles from help and 6 feet from Hell; help being Casa Grande, AZ. Ha,
was that a mistake, one of many to be made or witnessed for the next
few days. An Arizona Highway Patrol stopped behind us and we explained
the situation and he made the announcement on his radio which we heard
on the scanner that we were on the road waiting for our vehicle to
cool down and things were fine.
20
minutes later, 2 Arizona Highway troopers who were obviously not
listening to the radio broadcast earlier stopped behind us as I was
trying to make contact with my friend Ben in Uvalde, TX via HF Radio
on the top of the hour. Carlos saw no problem in walking up to the
troopers with his right hand in his pocket and as the primary trooper
grabbed for his gun, Carlos then realized his mistake and removed his
hand from his pocket very slowly making everybody a little happier.
So, with everybody friends now, the troopers informed us that they
needed to send a tow truck to remove us from the shoulder, but by
going through them we are to have reasonable rates and a maximum 40
minute response time.
An
hour and 20 minutes later a tow truck arrives, but this was okay since
in that time we decided to unload the Land Cruiser from the trailer.
Remembering that ramps were unavailable we were sure the Land Cruiser
could just drive off, which it might have, providing the battery was
charged. yet another problem. We pushed the Land Cruiser off the
trailer and then to the side of the trailer and truck. This is when we
noticed that the shoulder was made up of very small rocks that allowed
us to get hernia damage while pushing this beast to the front of the
truck so the jumper cables would reach. We started the Land Cruiser
and hooked the trailer up to it, WOW, the Toyota is wired for the
trailer, are the Gods smiling on us?? Not sure, but they had to be
laughing about now.
Now
the tow truck is onsite and it's a really nice tow truck. I worry. He
introduces himself and we explain the problem--the transmission is in
need of repair. He explains that Casa Grande is 16 miles away and they
can fix it there. I ask how much, he says $55.00 to hook it up. I
think that the troopers were right, this guy is reasonable, then he
tells me plus $2.50 a mile plus I have to pay for the miles he has
already driven, we negotiate to a price of $120.00 plus tax . Tax on
what, I don't know, but anyway. This "gentleman" then loads
my truck and tells me to follow him. Now if you don't remember, the
Land Cruiser is hooked to a trailer and also make note, the 33"
tires still only have 12lbs of air pressure from the playing that we
did on the rocks in Henderson the day before! Can you say "driving
on sponges"? Well, I'm not afraid, but poor Carlos is showing
concern by indenting the roll bar with his handprint. At 3300 rpm I
calculated our speed to be about 70 mph, flowing with normal traffic;
unfortunately Mr. Tow Truck has left us WAY behind. I do believe he
exceeded the posted speed limit.
Guns, Shady
Characters and Casa Grande (The Big House)
We
get to the Casa Grande exit and the Land Cruiser dies. Remember, the
battery is dead. Since the exit ramp is going uphill we decide to let
it roll backwards and pop the clutch in reverse. Now we notice we have
an audience piling up behind us on the exit ramp, Carlos explains to
them by waving ferociously, if they don't back up nobody goes
anywhere. They back up, I pop the clutch and off we go. Tow truck guy
slowed to the side realizing he has not gotten paid. He then proceeds
to PepBoys.
Guess
who does not work on Transmissions?? After removing my truck and sadly
parting with almost $140.00, we rack our brains with what to do next.
A grungy, grubby, hairy, big, smelly, nasty, unshaven, nice guy offers
to introduce me to his honest mechanic. I'm grasping for straws so I
put my 38cal. in my pants and go with him telling Carlos I will be
right back.
Carlos
has time to ponder-"gee, I didn't even get the license plate, a
good description, and what if the guy comes back without Rick? Do I go
with him? Hold him for the police? I've found Rick's 9mm but don't
know how to use it. I'll put it back. But wait, I'll wipe my finger
prints off of it then I'll put it back. Hmmm, how long should I wait
before I call the police? I wonder if Rick would mind if I get a quick
bite to eat while he's off with that grungy, grubby, hairy, big,
smelly, nasty, unshaven, nice guy getting tortured to death?--the
thoughts go on . . ."
I
do come back and the honest mechanic wants $750.00 to repair my
transmission. Time for us to find a place to sleep and call Ben. He
suggests that I leave the truck and bring the trailer to El Paso to
park at his brother-in-law's. Fine, I want out of Casa Grande. I want
to go home. Carlos makes the suggestion that since we might need the
money, let's just stay in the Land Cruiser and save hotel money. He
asks a Casa Grande citizen for a park in the area and was told of
Picacho State park about 10 miles east on I-10. What he failed to tell
us was that was 10 miles from 12 miles outside of Casa Grande.
With
12 lbs. of pressure still in the tires and pulling the empty trailer,
we trek out to find a refuge to sleep. 16 miles out we spot a sign
with Picacho on it and we smile in order to communicate our pleasure
mainly because we can't talk due to the rushing of air in the open top
Land Cruiser with 33" mud tires. Then we see it says "State
Prison" right below it-- "Don't pick up hitchhikers"--
the smiles disappear from both our faces!
Sleep
Tight...Hey! Those Aren't Pillows!
 A
few miles later we see the state park sign. Carlos pays our $9.00 fee
then we settle down for the night. It's 2:00 am and at 4:00 a.m. we
decide sleep is in order, so I tell Carlos to shut up and sleep. I
came to the conclusion that Vette seats were not made for sleeping and
I moved to the trailer after trying the bed of the Land Cruiser. Also
not a good idea. I lie down with a .38 in my pocket and a 9mm under my
pillow with my hand on it, aiming away from Carlos and myself , just
in case. Carlos decides to join me on the trailer with his miniature
blankie. He doesn't want to share my large blanket thinking that
hypothermia is better than being considered homosexual by campers or
escaped convicts. I don't argue this thought, so he lays down on the
evidence that it truly was 108 degrees and hot enough to make the sap
come out of the trailer floor. He sticks down for the night and
doesn't even question what he's sticking to; he just needs sleep.
I wake first and see Carlos has managed to make himself into a very
small ball in order to fit entirely under his blanket. But he's
moving, so it's good he's still alive to endure this with me. The
current temperature is about 40 degrees. Damn would his wife be
pissed. Since we can see across the valley with the present light, I
ask him if it's time to begin the day. "Yes," he say's as he
unsticks himself from the trailer, leaving on the trailer every single
hair on the right side of his right arm and leg. He's ready. I don't
think he really was comfortable.
Go Back? Do We
Have To?
We
travel down to take care of morning business in the cold desert and
the superb facilities provided by Rubbermaid and return to the Land
Cruiser and trailer. I ask what time is it and he responds by helping
my day turn to shit with his shouting "5:45am"...Fudge (well
not really) !!! We slept for about and hour and a half. and now were
wide awake again. Oh well, we pack up and find out that the battery is
dead. Damn !!! Oh, we have a small hill downward, push, and then
nothing, the Land Cruiser wants to be choked. I'm not sure, but I
think Carlos might want to choke me about now, but this was not on the
itinerary. I choke the Land Cruiser next then we get it started and
back to Casa Grande. No license plates, no insurance, no permission to
be back in the state (Oh yeah, that's another story). Hmmm, "What,
me worry?"
Want To Buy A
Car? Cheap?
We
get back to Casa Grande and check on the truck. It's still there, this
time with two accessories, about 6' 2" males. I step up and they
too are stranded, blown Head Gasket. The tow truck driver brought them
here also. They are nice enough to offer to sell us their car for
money to get home in a rental car, we politely decline the offer, but
in return offer them the name and number of an honest mechanic.
We
are now off to breakfast at the golden arches. What else would be open
at 6:30 am? We dine in silence and come up with an idea. "Get a
rental vehicle and tow my truck back on the trailer and drive the Land
Cruiser back to Uvalde." Good idea, now to put this plan in to
effect. I notice this suspicious guy eyeballin' me several times and I
decide to let him go. I have enough problems if you can believe that.
I
then proceed to the phones to call Enterprise, Budget, Hertz, A-1,
Avis, Dollar, Penski, Ryder and U-haul. Nobody has a truck in Casa
Grande, Tucson, or Phoenix that can go outside the state, but there is
one in Flagstaff and they can have it to me in two days. Okay, good
idea, no cooperation.
As
Carlos is checking the fluid levels in the Cruiser, the aforementioned
suspicious guy visits him. I'm 25 yards away, but pretty sure I can
take him out if necessary. Carlos is hoping this also. After a brief
conversation the unwanted visitor leaves, I ask Carlos, "What did
he want?" He replies, to sell his car, an old Pontiac for
$250.00, because "he needs money to get out of town so he won't
have to do time." So before 7:30 am we have had an opportunity to
purchase two vehicles. Where the Hell are we??
Boogie Back To
Texas
Okay,
new plan. We decide to leave the truck in Casa Grande, drive back to
Texas and come back with another truck to tow back the first truck. We
air up the tires on the Land Cruiser and go back to the truck, the
manager at Pepboys offers a new honest mechanic that is reasonable. I
worry again. I call this mechanic and he wants to tow the truck to his
shop and he won't charge me for the tow if his shop does the work.
Hmm, sounds like another $55.00 plus $2.50 a mile trip to me. I ask, "What's
it gonna cost to rebuild a 700R4 tranny," he replies, "$950.00,"
but he's gonna make me a deal for $875.00. I thank him, make the
motion of getting my eyes poked out at Carlos and deny the tow.
The
manager at Pepboys allows us to leave the truck in the parking lot,
with the suggestion to move it to the front of the store from the side
since it's lit better. Well, except at night when they turn off the
lights, as we found out a week later, leaving my truck in total cover
of darkness. Anyway, we need to get the Land Cruiser legal enough to
get out of the state so we go to the License Bureau in hopes of
getting a temporary registration.
The
woman at the license and registration office puts me a step closer to
hell. She can't make a call on her own and she asks for my license,
then she asks for a supervisor. Now, this is the first time anybody
has asked for my identification in AZ (I'm not supposed to be here -
part of that other story). I worry. Carlos won't be associated with
me, especially since I have two firearms in my possession in the
registration office. Carlos is thinking, "lucky I wiped my
fingerprints off the gun last night. I can claim ignorance."
After me kissing her ass for an hour and Carlos making one last final
plea she decides to let me pay the pittance sum of $15.00 and have a
temporary 30 day permit. They inspect the vehicle for something, not
sure what, wasn't safety and let me have the license. We're off to
Texas.
Well...Maybe Not
Quite "Boogie"
We
stop to get a new shirt without sleeves (because it's already getting
extremely hot) and call Ben to let him know we're on our way. He now
recommends that I leave the trailer so we don't have to drag it back
from El Paso. Good idea and my idea to begin with. I agree and we go
back to Pep Boys and unhook the trailer, drag it closer to a lamppost
in 108 degree heat, (it didn't seem that hot at first, you know, dry
heat and all) the metal is very hot on the trailer. I think I see a
tear from Carlos. It seems that metal doesn't know about dry heat. We
unhook and use the really big chain to secure the trailer to the
lamppost , I try to lock the chain with the lock from the spare tire;
it's too small. Damn!! Okay, I go and buy a larger lock, lock the
chain and we tell the manager of our plan. He grimaces and highly
recommends that we don't leave that nice trailer because it will be
gone by sundown and on the Indian reservation. He suggests a storage
facility, sounds good, where? Next to Wal-Mart, guess where we have
just came from?
So
with the metal still nice and hot for us we reload the trailer on the
LC and back down Main St. to the storage lot. The gate is open so I
drive in. The lady meets us in the lot and informs us they are not
open. Carlos and I look at each other realizing it's 11:30, thinking
that this place is really laid back, we ask her when she opens and she
replies "July 7th ." She doesn't have a license to store
yet. I ask her just for a spot along the inside of the fence and she
refuses since she might not ever get opened due to city laws if she
stores things without a license. We ask her for directions to another
storage place. She doesn't know.
You
would think someone that opened a storage facility would do some
research, guess she didn't. We go to several places that are park and
lock that I didn't trust. We decide to get some more addresses. Carlos
rips out the storage facilities pages of the phone book to save time,
normally this would have been a good idea, but since we only knew
where two streets were, this did us no good whatsoever. We do,
however, have a list of places to try. We stop and ask a clerk for
directions to one of the places and she points for us, on our way we
see a fenced lot and the sign says BZ TV Repair and Storage, not the
place we were looking for but good enough. After convincing BZ that
just because we look like crap doesn't mean we stole the trailer. He
allows us to leave it for a reasonable price. He does however tell us
the quickest way out of town. We take it.
Get The Hell Out
Of Dodge!
After
leaving town and getting on I-8 back to I-10 we see a sign that reads,
"Welcome to Casa Grande." We both yell. It's just the
outskirts, must be funded by stranded motorists, not shit out there.
We're off to Texas in the Land Cruiser with the bikini top and no
doors. Damn, we're cool.
To
simulate this feeling I would like you to go get a hairdryer and turn
it on high and point it into your face, that's part of the experience,
now imagine Tropical Blend sunblock on and blowing dust. Are we having
fun yet?? The rest is about like that for the next 400 miles, till we
reach El Paso and the sun is long gone and West Texas gets downright
cold with no sun shining.
We
called Ben and give a status report. We decided to get a burger at a
24 hour filling station/café. The 24 hour café was, in
fact, open 24 hours a day. They just didn't serve meals 24 hours a
day. Right, no burger, just a damn muffin.
Anyway
Ben says it's raining. We prepare. I get RainX for the windows since
no wiper blades are available and I think it might be a good idea to
get inexpensive raincoats. Turned out not to be a good idea.
Hey Rick...Hey!
Rick! YO! RICK!!!
I
decided to get some sleep while Carlos drove. The only problem was
that Carlos was scaring the hell out of me letting the ruts in the
road swing us toward oncoming 18 wheelers. I just couldn't sleep. I
offer to drive. He gladly accepts.
Just
outside Fort Stockton it starts to rain and we put on our inexpensive
poncho raincoats-mistake--they pop so loud in the 70 mph wind that it
about deafens us plus they rip into pieces at those speeds. We get
wet. We're both very tired having driven for almost 24 hours and being
up for almost 36 hours with an hour and a half of sleep.
 The
morning light wakes Carlos just in time to find me driving about 70
miles an hour in the hills of west Texas with my eyes closed. Just
resting my eyes. Carlos is wide awake now. We worry, we're gonna crash
on the Del Rio road in the hills just 90 miles from our destination.
Finally,
we make it home. I drop off Carlos and head to Ben's to tell him to
quit worrying, we made it back. Ben is gone-so much for worrying
I
go home to take a shower and worry that I'm melting since the water is
brown. Once it clears up and now that I'm wide awake at 10:30 in the
morning, there's nobody's home to tell my story to, I'm bored. I
finally fall asleep about 6:00 pm and everybody gets home at 6:30 and
wants to discuss my trip. I'm glad to be home. Two weeks later, Ben
and I make the trip back with virtually no incidents at all.
I'm
glad to be home, but looking forward to the trip back to Vegas and Red
Rocks, I know the Land Cruiser can make it.
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